Written by Dear Black Woman Elena Simpkins, PhD

Hello beautiful,

Celebrating yourself and being celebrated are always contentious moments. Rarely do you take the time to celebrate your accomplishments, always focused on what you have yet to accomplish. This act has been wearing you down. The weight of “things that still need to be done” is a heavy one. It is one that will force you into the ground if you continue. When that happens, how will you pull yourself up? That act is in no way impossible but will require much more time and energy than if you took a step back now and faced it. Creating space for this, will save you much heartache in the near and distant future. The internal struggle you’ve had with yourself was recently touched on in a conversation you had with your love, when she said you:

“Don’t misread an absence of boisterous public accolades as a total absence of celebration and support. You are loved, valued, and supported by more than just me. Even more importantly, you must know and understand the magnitude of your accomplishments and celebrate for yourself.”

Even more importantly, you must know and understand the magnitude of your accomplishments and celebrate for yourself.

Listen to that statement and I mean truly listen to it. That is a MIGHTY word if I have ever heard one!!

“Remind yourself that you are allowed and capable of celebrating yourself. It may seem counterintuitive to celebrate yourself, you have been made to believe that humility is the absence of self-celebration. THAT. IS. A. LIE.”

— Elena Simpkins, PhD

My dear, this is such an on-time message. I want you to memorize this. Hold it dear to your heart. Most importantly, remind yourself that you are allowed and capable of celebrating yourself. It may seem counterintuitive to celebrate yourself, you have been made to believe that humility is the absence of self-celebration. THAT. IS. A. LIE. Being humble does not mean that you are incapable of dousing yourself in the gas that you so liberally pour onto others. Quite the contrary, it will only strengthen your ability to hype up others. In the way that shining your light does not dim the light of another; celebrating yourself does not take away from your ability to celebrate others. There is much to be gained from the practice of acknowledging your victories. It creates space for you to feel deserving of praise, which you often shy away from. Your accomplishments then become mysterious and magical moments that happen to you. Not moments that happen because of you. But my dear, accomplishments occur because of work you have done, regardless of the work you might still have to do. There will always be work that you still have to do and it will get done (because you’re a boss)! This additional work does not negate what work you have already done. It is not a zero sum game.

Let’s start to hold ourselves accountable for celebrating ourselves. First, take time to understand and appreciate where you are in this moment. Show people how you deserve to be praised, appreciated, and treated. If you don’t think you’re worthy of praise, at some point, others will start to believe that as well.

Remember, all of the small steps you take, from getting out of bed, to eating breakfast, to typing a sentence, to submitting a draft... are all reasons to celebrate. All of those small and big moments are cause for celebration and you should not hesitate to be the first one to do so. There is so much victory in self-appreciation. There is so much joy in self-celebration. There is so much love in allowing all of those things to come from you. Let this moment be the beginning.

Love Always.

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