"Indulge yourself, stare at your broken pieces in awe and wonder if you need to..."
Written by Dear Black Woman Chantelle Doswell
Hey Chantelle,
“You don’t have to go anyone else’s pace. You’ve enjoyed this journey, this learning. Look at your beautiful mind still grasping for more truth. Take your time, though, nothing worth knowing is easy to figure out.”
I want you to take a breath and remember that you actually are uniquely amazing. Whether or not anyone congratulates or praises that amazingness (but, they will), it is always there. Constant. You not only have a flame within you- you are flame. If sometimes it scares you that your flame is too hot, too bright, too unruly- there is nothing to be afraid of. Witness yourself. Create with the madness of the fire that is within you. Seek your own approval. You are so worth the love. Witness yourself. Do you know it’s okay if you cry? Cry for what you are afraid of and what you have lost and what you long for desperately. Make it something beautiful.
You are everything your mother and father are and still, something different, something with choices left to make. I want you to understand that those two people gave you gifts and your ancestors are watching you proud. They want to see what you make out of the materials they have left for you throughout the world. I want to see what you can make too. What can you make out of the immense store of love that you have left? What can you make out of the anger and pain and share with the world? How can you transform yourself into the version of you that sees yourself as you are- complete, full, complex, and beautiful?
You don’t have to go anyone else’s pace. You’ve enjoyed this journey, this learning. Look at your beautiful mind still grasping for more truth. Take your time, though, nothing worth knowing is easy to figure out. You have coped and are still coping with all the things you can’t control. That’s fine. Indulge yourself, stare at your broken pieces in awe and wonder if you need to and hold yourself if no one else is there to- perhaps even if there is someone. You are simply who you are to yourself, for yourself, and by yourself- so take care of that person. I love you so much. So completely. So protectively. Fill your heart with the compassion you have for your friends and give it to yourself. I know you know on some level that what you do has a karmic impact and because of this, you have lived your life well, with kindness when you can. I also know you’re still working on being the version of yourself you “should be”- but make sure that that version is simply based on your values and understanding of what you need. You are practical, you are wise, funny, and have joy in your spirit that is impossible to shake. That man ain’t gonna make or break you- is he? Don’t let journey confuse yours. Because you are impeccable and all that can stop you is trying too hard to show it to everyone else. From your ego to your anxiety, it is how you survive. You have the ability to keep growing more comfortable in this skin. You have time to love yourself unconditionally all the time, you are working to that end. You are totally worth the effort, and it’s worth more of your effort to love yourself and liberate yourself from those voices that aren’t yours. You can give everything in you heart and lose nothing. You can have everything in your world and give it away and it will surely come back again. There is no right, there are just all the gifts you have, all the gifts you can choose how to use. Give them away, hold them to yourself, create a movement, or simply hold yourself sweetly and create yourself into a person that beams. You have a glow from the inside. Feed it. You are learning to take care of yourself and love yourself and you will teach others to do the same, because what a beautiful journey it is.
